Santa Claus a cannibal?

Santa Claus, the famous Christmas symbol, was found in his flat eating a boy. The boy, who was ten years old and was called Leong Chong-Yu, lost 3 quarters of his head and all his limbs, but he lived due to the fact that his brain still existed. Santa Claus, when questioned, denied everything and said that they were blind. The angry judge sentenced Santa Claus to being eaten by a mutated octopus turned zombie. Santa Claus made an epic escape, only to fall in an acid dumping ground and die. The trial continues for no reason

Batman kills citizen with grappling hook

It was an accident, he claims
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Batman was hauled away to the police station after he had shot a grappling hook into Mr Pronetodie's stomach. Mr Prone was admitted to the emergency room after 5 hours. At exactly 14:75 pm, he was pronouced dead by a group of people randomly chosen from the insane asylum
armed with flaming kryptonite chainsaws. Batman claims that he had accidently shot the grappling hook through a window and into Mr Prone's stomach. Mr Prone, who was the sole breadwinner of a family of 25, left his wife 5 cents and his children 1 cent each. His wife and children were distraught and attacked Batman with butter knives. Batman has been hauled in for questioning and it has been discovered that he was eating ice cream when he shot the grappling hook. A man, when interviewed, demanded to know why he wasn't eating Magnum ice cream but instead was eating Magnolia. The judge sentenced Batman to Life Banning of Eating Ice Cream and/or Playing Electronic Games